“I Married a Same-Sex Attracted Man. And I Am Blessed.”

My husband struggles with same-sex attraction. Like me, Sam came into this world with an innate and insatiable desire for things that bring death. Like me, he came into our marriage bearing the weight of pain he didn’t ask for and the scars of choices he can’t change. And like me, he has chosen to trust Christ—not to make him heterosexual, but to make him holy.

That is how this article – “I Married a Same-Sex Attracted Man. And I Am Blessed.” – by Jacyln Parrish starts.

The piece is well worth reading in full, even if you do not experience similar struggles; indeed I found myself resonating with a lot of what she said. (For example, how we all “came into this world with an innate an insatiable desire for things that bring death” (see above)).

Indeed, I found the article in equal parts heavy-hitting…

Marriage is an incarnate manifestation of Christ and his church (Eph. 5:22–33), a living and breathing argument for the gospel. Nothing less than his grace could empower us to forgive as much as marriage requires (Matt. 18:21–35). Nothing less than a perfectly faithful God could give us courage to trust something as faithless as another human (1 Tim. 2:13). And nothing less than his love could compel us to love as wholly as we must (1 John 4:19).

… and deeply moving.

When I was in second grade, I bet my eternity on Scripture. When I married Sam, I bet my life on it. The 8-year-old girl in the baptistry anted up as best she could, but the woman at the altar was all-in, and she knew it. If I was wrong, it wouldn’t cost me down the line after death. It would cost me today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of my life. Suddenly, Scripture wasn’t something I could devote the odd half-hour to; I had to build my life on it, and I needed it beneath my feet every moment. […]

When the scars of past sins start screaming (and yes, they do), Sam and I cling to Scripture and weep together before our Savior, “I will keep your statutes; do not utterly forsake me!” (Ps. 119:8).

And at the end of each day, both good and bad, we can echo the psalmist: “I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word” (Ps. 119:16)

Life is tough. Married life — covenantally-committed to a fellow faithless human — is tough. But God’s word is a source of real comfort and edification; and His gospel is good news indeed for a fallen world!


“Homosexuality and the Gospel” – Julian Hardyman

“Homosexuality and the Gospel: Narratives in Conflict”. Julian Hardyman, Senior Pastor at Eden Baptist Church, Cambridge, expounds on the various key issues surrounding the biblical vision for marriage and sexuality. 

Two points I found personally helpful: (1) the church’s need to repent of homophobia and truly love our brothers and sisters who struggle with same-sex attraction; (2) the hope that the gospel gives to those who struggle with SSA. 

I would say “required listening” for anyone in the church today. 

“Homosexuality and the Gospel” – Julian Hardyman

on “same sex attraction” and homosexuality

Just wanted to write a quick blurb about homosexuality, or what I’d prefer to label “same sex attraction” (for reasons explained later). In my opinion, I think homosexuality will be THE main issue which the church (by which I mean the collective body of Christ) will have to grapple with in this generation. That is not to say that such issues were never a big deal in the past – homosexuality was prevalent in the Greco-Roman world which Paul and the other apostles addressed in their epistles. Rather, I believe that how the church (both in Singapore and globally) addresses this sensitive issue in our current moral pluralistic age is going to have significant consequences for society in general and the practice of religion in particular.

The impetus for my writing is a facebook note written by Joel Joshua Gunawan which is going viral at the moment. He is a Christian who struggles with same sex attraction, and in this note he gives an account of the difficulties he encounters trying to reconcile the two. I am extremely grateful for his sincere and honest admissions, and I pray that he would continue to find hope in Jesus and the Gospel. I am not so certain of the theological points which he raises, and I hesitate to endorse his conclusions. I myself haven’t come to a fully formed view. But please, do read this as I believe it shows us – we who are ignorant of attraction to the same sex – what’s at stake; and it shows us how to love properly.

A few points. First, “same sex attraction” is but one of the myriad of sexual configurations within the category of “sexual immorality” which the Bible prohibits. For example, while we might be attracted to the opposite sex, this does not preclude us from falling into the sexual immorality of lust and indulging in pornography – which if anything I am sure more people struggle with than they do SSA. It’s a sad fact that in this fallen world we live in, all things that were created “good” by God have been twisted from their original purpose – including sex. A discussion which I found helpful on this point can be found here (panel includes Al Mohler). 

Secondly, my preference for the term “same sex attraction” (over “homosexuality”) has more than just philological significance. The term “homosexuality” assumes a connotation of permanence, a bit like how you write “Male” or “Female” on an application form. However, same sex attraction is anything but permanent. We are promised, if we believe in Christ, that we will be gradually sanctified from sin. It might be slow and indeed painful, but He who called us is faithful, and it will happen (cf Romans 8:29-30; Phil 1:6). I have seen friends overcome struggles with suicidal tendencies, eating disorders, lust and pornography, habitual dishonesty, low self-esteem, and many other sins through the hope of the Gospel and by the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus satisfies our ultimate needs; he seeps into the deepest crevices of our hearts and comforts us; he knows what it is to feel human pain at its worst, and he sympathises with us (Hebrews 4:14-16). I do not mean to downplay the struggles faced by my brothers and sisters who grapple with same sex attraction; I believe it is probably the most difficult sin to struggle with. But I believe, with even more certainty, that the Gospel is Good News for Gays (link).

Finally, I have tried to in this short post consolidate some of the resources I have found helpful while thinking through this issue of same sex attraction (a few links above). This fourth and final link is an interview with Vaughan Roberts, rector of St Ebbes Church in Oxford. It’s a heart-rending interview where he talks about his own struggles with same sex attraction – yes, even a Christian Minister is not spared. It’s lengthy but I think it’s very worth reading, especially as Vaughan Williams is quite a renowned evangelical leader and author of books such as Battles Christians Face

I hope these might encourage you, reader. But more importantly, I hope that you might find encouragement in Jesus. Because of His sacrifice on the cross for our sins (both sexual and otherwise) we have been reconciled to God. Once, we were sinners and deserved the penalty of death; now, we are clothed with the righteousness of Christ which is freely given us if only we trust in Him. Before, we were powerless against sin; now, sin has no hold over us. Its power has been broken, and we are now enabled to live Holy lives for God. And He gives us grace to walk with Him, every step of the way. 

Al Mohler, ‘The Giglio Imbroglio’

And there you have it — anyone who has ever believed that homosexuality is morally problematic in any way must now offer public repentance and evidence of having “evolved” on the question. This is the language that President Obama used of his own “evolving” position on same-sex marriage. This is what is now openly demanded of Christians today. If you want to avoid being thrown off the program, you had better learn to evolve fast, and repent in public.”

Al Mohler, ‘The Giglio Imbroglio’